I have gone to the gym two days in a row now. I think I found my stride again. I love doing the elliptical because I don’t believe in running. I don’t believe in running mostly because I just can’t do it. And I’ve tried. Trust me I have tried. The first time I tried was in high school. I joined the cross country track team in 10th grade and I was the slowest and worst runner on the team. I was the last one to make it to the finish and of course I was like the really “special” kid on the team everyone cheered for at the end. I might as well have had two braces on my leg. Later in the season I “hurt” my hip and ended up on crutches. I can’t really remember if I really hurt my hip or I was just trying to stay away from running and the next race. Regardless I quit the team shortly after but I did manage to keep my track jacket, which I proudly wore when I was around people who didn’t know me.
The second time I tried to run was about ten years ago when I thought I would run a half marathon for the leukemia. I joined one of those training teams. I went to one morning practice outside and was the last runner in again and it was only 3 miles. One week later, I had a stress fracture in my right foot and was in a boot for 2 months. Needless to say I didn’t run that half marathon but I did manage to raise about $1,000 anyway.
The third time I tried to run was a few years ago when I did one of those 5K mud runs. I was in pretty good hiking shape so I figured why not. Well, I was slow again. I was good at climbing the ropes and everything but I mostly just walked the entire time, which was fine by me.
That was the last time I ran. And that will be the last time I run. When people say I run only when I am being chased. Well that is not me. If I am being chased, I think I might just get caught. So I probably should take some self defense lessons because that really will be my only chance of survival.
Back to the gym. I do the elliptical. I do that because I am good at it. I also decided to start the stair climber because I figure that would be awesome for my legs and it is. I was blessed with great legs. They are my greatest asset. The stair climber is hard. I have only been able to do about three minutes at a time before I have to pause. And when I pause I do my best thinking. Below is a list of things I thought about yesterday during my pauses in my ten minutes.
- I have great legs.
- I should walk backwards so I can watch my legs.
- How in the hell is the old man next to me on level 30 going for 45 minutes.
- Thank god there is a pause button on the handle.
- Now that I wear Spanx, do I really need to be doing this anyway?
- Why is the woman’s locker room on the second floor. That is just not fair.
- I am the tallest person in the gym right now. I can see everything from here. I feel like what a drone must feel like.