Museum of Touch

When I was a kid I loved the Museum of Science. I loved to sit and stare at that mechanism that shows all the balls going up and down and around. The one from 1987 that is still going proud. I loved to see Snowy the owl. I loved watching the baby chickens hatch in their incubator. I loved going there with my dad because he was an engineer and could explain space to me.

The idea of space makes my head spin. It overwhelms me how big the world is and how small we are. I still feel like a little kid when I look up at the stars and try to imagine what other life is out there. Science was never my strong suit and it still isn’t so I can’t comprehend  how it can take 1,000 years to get from one planet to the next. I can’t understand how we figured out a way to create a rocket that orbits Earth. I can’t understand why we can see a star when it is a million light years away. It blows my mind. And I love to watch when it blows kid’s minds too.

I loved seeing the dinosaur bones and the big T-Rex you can see the moment you walk in the museum. Dinosaur’s make my head spin too.  I can’t understand how something could have roamed the Earth 500,000 million years ago. I can’t understand one species died out and another was born 250,0000 million years ago. Where did we come from!? What is next? Why don’t dragons exist? Did dragons exist? Will humans learn to breathe fire?

Am I making your head spin? That’s the point. Because I realized this Saturday that the Museum of Science is like a battleground between adults and kids with ADHD and OCD. I never realized how many things there are for kids to touch at MOS. It’s a nightmare for someone like me who has no patience for people with ADHD.  Why can’t a kid focus on something for more than 2 seconds. I want to read the signs and learn about things. I want kids to learn too. And seeing kids have to touch every. single. thing. at the museum including the walls, escalator, elevator buttons, rugs just gives me PTSD to when I was a kid with OCD and couldn’t walk five steps without having to stop and touch something too.

I decided on Saturday, while taking a 7 year old to the museum, that I need to create a museum made specifically for kids with ADHD and OCD. Basically it would just be a museum with buttons all over the walls that have nothing to do with anything since they don’t really care what they go to anyway. I would put buzzers next to each exhibit with two second timers so they would receive an electric shock if they stayed longer than that. But most importantly, I would put candy dispensers all around except instead of candy, I would fill them with ridalin!



I had my annual dermatologist appointment a few days ago. Once I find something on my skin, I become obsessed on it until someone tells me it is ok. It can be anything. It could be a pen mark and I will worry about it until it comes off in the shower.

I had two basil cells removed from my face a bunch of years ago and Dr. Frankenstein left the biggest scars on my face, which I have come to be okay with. But since then anytime there is anything, I’m like “just take it off.” I’ve had two removed from my back.

This time, however, this appointment seemed particularly violating. I am not sure why. I was able to keep on my bra and underwear but I still felt so exposed. Maybe it was the 25 year old frat dude that was the doctor’s assistant? That definitely could have been it. He stood there the whole time on is iPad and I have no idea what he was looking at. Was he looking at porn? Was he looking at my old chart? Was he playing tetris? I have no idea. But it was really weird having him there the entire time. A few times I made some jokes and looked at him just to see if I could get a reaction and I didn’t get a single one.

The doctor took her big light and magnifying glass and looked over my body. She asked about the weather. I was thinking “maybe you could look at my moles rather than wonder about the weather.” She skipped over the little freckle on my foot I was worried about so I made sure she went back to that.

Then it came time for my butt. I have a new mole on my butt which I hate and of course I am worried about. It’s nothing. At least, according to the doctor. And the frat dude, I am pretty sure he took a photo on his iPad and shared it with his 12 roommates later that day.

Chew on this

I have misophonia. I love coming up with new things that I have. I could put all of these different aliments together after my name and it would like Laura R. Goldberg, ADO.CDBPM.OSPH. You get the picture.

What is misophonia? It’s the hatred of the sound of chewing and I need a cure! When I have to listen to people chew it has this crazy effect on me. It makes me mental. It makes me want to punch a wall. It makes me feel like I have bugs crawling all over me. It makes me want to take the plate of salad away from the person near me and throw it out the window. And it’s not personal. I know I make a lot of sounds chewing too but I can’t handle when other people do.

I grew up sitting down for dinner every night with no TV or music and I had to listen to everyone chew every night. I don’t even know what to do with myself during these dinners when all I hear is the sound of slurping and chewing and lip smacking. It’s worse than a nail on a chalkboard (not that anyone uses chalkboards anymore).

And it’s not only the chewing. It’s the sounds of hands in a bag of popcorn at the movie theatre or a person trying to get a chip out of a bag. I had to move seats three times once in a movie because people were making too much noise with their popcorn. It’s not that hard people. Put your hand in, scoop some in and then gently place in your mouth.

The funny thing is that the sound of Fred chewing carrots, or anything really, is one of my favorite sounds in the world. There is nothing cuter to me. Or the sound of him chewing his nylabone. It relaxes me so much. The more Fred chews and opens is mouth and the longer it takes him to chew, the better and cuter it is.

And there is research on this.

Going to stick with it

I started going to community acupuncture again and I love it. As much as I would love to go to regular acupuncture three days a week I can’t because

  1. My work schedule won’t allow me to get there before it closes
  2. It would cost too much since my insurance doesn’t cover it.

So I settle for the second best thing. Community. It costs $15 a pop and I can go as often as I want and stay for as long as I want.

It’s so fun to go inside and lay down in the chairs and wait for my turn while watching other people. Almost everyone in the room is always sleeping with their mouths gaped wide open. And I am no exception to this rule. After about 5-10 minutes, my body goes into some sort of deep trance and relaxation. I know I fall asleep or maybe I am half asleep. When she puts in the needles there are definitely places where it hurts and after about 10 minutes the pain goes away completely!

The first time back after almost 8 months, the guy left a needle in my ear. Last night she put so many in my ear that it bled.

But the point of this entire story is not actually about acupuncture at all. Yesterday I had on skinny jeans which I had rolled twice to make more like capris (but a little longer). I never used to wear skinny jeans but I have learned to love them. I knew when I got there that I would have to push my pants up my legs so I sat on my chair and I did just that. They were tight going up but I managed to do it. The problem was after my session, I could not pull them back down. No matter what I did, those pants were not going over my calf muscles.

If you know me, you know I a slightly obsessed with my calf muscles and how strong and big they can get. Well, with all my hiking and exercise, I am thinking that maybe they got too big! When I got home I sat on the kitchen floor and K helped me get them off by pulling them inside-out. So morale of the story is this. When going to acupuncture (or a pedicure), wear loose fitted clothing. And if you see my calves, tell me how awesome they are.

Morning Insomnia

I have never had a problem sleeping. I love sleeping. I can sleep anywhere. In a grocery store. I a meeting. In a car. You get the picture. If you said to me “Laura, go to sleep”, I would fall asleep within five minutes. If there were Oscars for sleeping, I would totally win.

K, however, can not sleep. She has horrible insomnia. Sometimes I wake up for two seconds in the middle of the night and she is just laying there reading Buzzfeed. Sometimes it seems that no matter what time of night, I see the light of the iPhone.

Then, within a minute, I hear my phone beep saying that I have a new message. And the message is always from K from an article from Buzzfeed. It has become my way of getting the latest and greatest news about things we have talked about. Today I got an article on how to deal with my phone and my lack of iCloud storage. One day I got the best 20 castles in Wales. Best hikes in NH. Anything really. I think it’s so funny that she can find an article on any topic, on any website at any time.

I’ll have to start a topic challenge. Stay tuned.

Only a bed, a dresser and a breakfast

I love bed and breakfasts. In theory. I like the idea of staying somewhere quaint and learning the history of the homes I stay in. We stayed in one in Bethlehem, NH this past weekend and it was so pretty. The house had a great story and even Cary Grant and Marilyn Monroe had stayed there before. (I thought maybe Marilyn stayed in our room and bathed in the tub but she was in another room).

The inn keeper, Mary was so friendly and she also had a cool story. She even had cookies and brownies out for us. She showed us upstairs to the master bedroom and when we walked in it was very pretty. She showed us the room and then left us in there. K and I turned to each other and at the same time realized there was no TV in the room. This was the first time we didn’t bring a kindle or a laptop or a ipad with us when we went away. Of course!

We need TV. Sure it’s nice to have quiet be away from it all but we need TV. We needed to watch the entire season of the Good Wife. So we got on our phones and looked up the closest store. We found our way to WalMart and looked for a Chromebook but they didn’t have one. We then went to Staples and found one. There was only one left in stock and it was one that was returned but I didn’t care. I bought it and brought it back to our room. And within three minutes we were hooked to the wireless and watching TV. Thank god!

I think in the future, we need to vacation in a place with a five star hotel. I am beginning to realize that is the only way to vacation. In a bed and breakfast you get an amazing meal but you have to sit down with strangers and talk to them at 8:30 in the morning. No matter how nice people are, I don’t need idle conversation on my vacation especially when I am enjoying a good biscuit.

President Stupid Pig

I am pissed. I watched the Republican Presidential Debate last night (and by watched I mean inwardly screamed at the TV with a lot of outward sighs). I am not going to get into policies or views or anything like that because we all have different beliefs (even though mine are the right ones—-and by right I mean correct).

What I am going to get into is, once again, why so many people in this country think it is okay to diss women. Why is it ok for any man but especially a Presidential nominee to call a woman a fat pig? And why is okay that when he does call a woman a fat pig, that half of the male audience cheers like they are watching a mud wrestling match at a frat party. And why is okay that some of the women in the audience cheer at this too? Don’t you get it. These men do not have respect for women. And if you are woman, you should be appalled! And if you are a man, you should be mad!

And it shouldn’t matter if the woman is Rosie O’Donnell and people are not fans of Rosie. She is a woman and deserves respect. And for the record below are some the charitable organizations and causes that Rosie has and continues to support.

No Presidential nominee should use the words idiot or stupid ever especially in a debate. I hardly use the word stupid because there are so many other names you can call people that don’t make you sound like a first grader.

Get with it people. This is America we are talking about. A place that so many people in that room believe is based on moral Christian values. Well, it’s not Christian to put women down. Or maybe it is, I don’t know. I’ve only gone to church a few times and I don’t really listen, I just look at all the stained glass windows. But listening to people in our country laugh and cheer with a man who can so unapologetically place the opposite gender below his own makes me want to move to Norway when I have children.