You Bet-Cha!

A couple of years ago K and I had a bet. I would try Ethiopian food with her if she ate an entire gefilte fish at Passover at my parents. I wasn’t sure who had the worst deal in this bet.

Gefilte fish are disgusting. I have never actually eaten one and I never will. I can still smell those slimy little balls of fish of who-knows- what at every Passover dinner growing up. My grandparents and parents would put one of them on a little plate and add an extra bit of slime and slop them up with a fork. I couldn’t even watch them eat them. I still can’t. And don’t get me started on the smell of them! They smell like a nursing home or a Jewish great-grandmother’s breathe. They both pretty much smell the same to me which makes sense because Jewish great-grandmother’s probably lived off of white fish, tuna fish, and gefilte fish with a dab of kosher sour pickle spritz to wash it down.

So back to the bet. I always figured that Ethiopian food to me would be similar in texture and based on my experiences at Passover, trying that would be just as scary. So when K was coming for Passover we came up with the bet. And she passed. She ate it. She ate the entire thing. I didn’t watch. Actually, I think I put that moment out of mind because I don’t ever want to have to picture anyone eating one of those. But she did it so it was my turn.

Well that was over two years ago and I still hadn’t tried Ethiopian. K wanted me to try this little hole in the wall place in Philly that is her favorite so I was holding out for that. Well, after months of talking about it with other friends, we decided to try a place in Boston. I was all for it. I made the bet. I had to pay up. I figured that my taste buds were changing and I have been a lot more open to different styles of food in the past few years so I was ready and willing and a little excited.

My biggest thing with Ethiopian food and the reason I never wanted to eat it is the texture. I DO NOT LIKE SOGGY BREAD. Every time I think of soggy bread, I think of having to do the dishes growing up and pushing the soggy bread down the disposal. I am gagging right now thinking of it. I can’t ever get that out of my mind. White. Soggy. Bread. It’s the reason I still won’t eat chicken pot pie.  Once I had to do a survey asking what my biggest fear was in life and I wrote down “Bears and chicken pot pie.”

Ok I digress again. Saturday, we went to eat Ethiopian. K was so excited so that part was nice. And it was great to see my friends. That part was nice. The restaurant was super dirty, which is totally ok. That really doesn’t bother me as it does other people. It could have used some better decoration but that’s for another day. And there was no toilet paper in the bathroom so I just went into the men’s room and stole theirs.

Back at the table A said “there was no toilet paper in the bathroom” and I said “Oh that’s cause I took it. I figured you weren’t going to take a crap so why not.”. Yeah, I’m classy. It was funny. And the seats were horribly uncomfortable and we didn’t know how to sit. I tried legs spread, legs crossed, hands on lap, hands on face, elbows on table, leaning back, leaning forward, both hands on face….you get the point.

Ok the food. It was very pretty. And when it came I was like “ok, I can do this.”. I tried to bread, which i really liked and I picked up some sloppy chick pea thing and it was ok. I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. I tried lentils and they were good. But as I continued and I started to see the bread become soggier and soggier, I mildly gagged in my mouth and had to take a break. Then I started to watch my friends eat and the gag came back and at one point I definitely felt like I was going to throw up. So I stopped. I had some more non soggy bread and I stopped and I just stopped looking at the plate*. I mean the food was fine. I just don’t think it’s something I will be rushing back to anytime soon even if everyone I know says “Oh you have to try THIS place.” Just like no matter where I am having Passover dinner, don’t be surprised if I need to get up and go to the bathroom during the gefilte fish portion of the meal.

*K was sure I was going to ask for McDonalds on my way home. I didn’t. Instead I came home and had tortellini and Girl Scout cookies.

 

Advertisements

Chew on this

Fred went to the dentist the other day to get his teeth cleaned. I have no desire for a dog with bad breathe. He is almost five so it’s still early for all that. He isn’t a big licker thank god but still, I want him to have good breathe. So he went to get them cleaned and what a job they did. They look brand spanking new. Pearly whites! Now when he growls at people, he can at least look gorgeous doing it. He went to daycare the next day and I am pretty sure the other dogs stuck their nose up at him instead of in his butt because they thought he was entitled.

I want people to take care of their teeth. I think all people should brush twice a day, floss and go to the dentist twice a year. It’s just something to do. Not that Fred will go twice a year or anything. I’m talking humans here.

Now speaking of the dentist. All of this reminded me of the time when I lived in Baton Rouge and I had to find a new dentist. I think I just picked one out of the phonebook then. Yeah, I said phonebook. It was 1998! I remember going in and the dentist did my check-up and then says to me “ok you have a cavity and need a filling. how about gold?” And he was serious. I mean I make fun of the south a lot and I didn’t belong there by any means. But gold tooth? Are you kidding me? Did I look like someone who would want a gold tooth? I don’t think so!! I am not a pirate.I was so worried that he was going to give me one but he didn’t. Although a few years later it had to be removed because he did a half-ass job anyway.

Dependency

There should be some sort of rule that when you reach the age of 39 and you don’t have children, you are allowed to claim your dog on your tax return. The amount of money I have spent on Fred in the past few years is nothing short of alarming. Thousands. I mean THOUSANDS! It isn’t fair that people with children get to claim their little ones when I spend just as much, if not more, on Fred’s healthcare, daycare and diet.

Enough of this discrimination! I’ve waited long enough!

Oscar and the Grouch-Leo Edition

Sorry folks, I’ve been really late on my Oscar predictions this year. I have no excuse other than the countless hours I’ve spent binge watching The Fosters and Shameless and who knows what other shows because there have been a lot. Winter is usually the time I go to the movies constantly and I just haven’t this year. Below is the list of movies I’ve seen and then we will get into my predictions.

Oh wait….does it even matter? Because LEO IS FINALLY GOING TO WIN. And if he doesn’t win, I’m not going into work on Monday morning because I myself will be in mourning. There is a good chance I will throw my Thai food at the TV if that happens.*
*Who am I kidding, that Thai food will be long gone by the time the award for best makeup comes up.

Movies I’ve seen that have been nominated  in no particular order:

  • Trumbo
  • Spotlight
  • Room
  • The Revenant
  • The Danish Girl
  • Steve Jobs
  • The Martian
  • The Big Short
  • Inside Out (twice)
  • Cinderella
  • Joy
  • Star Wars

Let’s start with the dark horse or the black sheep in the room. Oh wait, there won’t be any in that room. Yeah, I went there. I did. This has been the year of Oscar boycotting because of the lack of diversity in the nomination field. And I have to tell you, while it is appalling, it’s not surprising and I really just don’t care that much. I mean why are people surprised? This lack of equality has always been there and will continue to be there. We live in a country where Donald Trump is winning! Why are you surprised people. Why????

I love the Oscars because it’s fun to watch. I don’t watch for any type of political or racial statement. Am I upset that Jada Pinkett-Smith will not be joining us with hubby Will?  Not even the slightest. Oh poor Jada and Will…he didn’t get a third Oscar nomination. Yes, definitely boycott the Oscars but my all means, don’t give any money to low-income schools or Flint Michigan. If the lack of diversity does anything, it allows Chris Rock to be freaking hilarious.

Alright let’s go. Please keep in mind this is going to be a VERY cliff note version of what I’ve been doing the past ten years. VERY.

Best Picture:
What Should Win: The Revenant
What Will Win:  Spotlight

The Big Short: Good movie. Won’t win. If the housing crisis affected you in a horrible way, skip this movie.

Bridge of Spies:  Token Tom Hanks nomination movie

Brooklyn:  Really?

Mad Max: Fury Road:  Huh?

The Martian:  Awesome movie. Just not best picture awesome.

The Revenant:  Amazing in every way. Especially with Leo. And makeup, and cinematography, and special effects.  And Leo. Did I mention Leo?

Room:  How I wish this could win. How I wish the little boy got a nomination. At least Brie will take one for the team on this one.

Spotlight:  Just the type of movie the Academy loves. Great movie. Go see it. It’s important to see and it will make you so freaking angry at the Catholic Church. Reason enough to go see it.

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Who Should Win: Leo
Who Will Win: Leo
Ummmm….my boyfriend. Leo. There needs to be no other comment here except it’s about freaking time!! He deserves it. He said like 20 words in the entire film, yet he still deserves it. I called this a year ago when I first heard about this. In fact, see below for proof from September:

leo3.jpg

Bryan Cranston for Trumbo:  Second-runner up. He was great. The movie was boring. Winning scene:  Prison strip search scene.

Matt Damon for Martian:  Great movie and he did great. Totally not Oscar worthy.

Michael Fassbender for Steve Jobs: If you asked me a year ago, I would have picked him. I was so excited for this movie, I could ‘t even stand it. Aaron Sorkin..Danny Boyle. Could it be any better than this? YES IT COULD. Fail. Epic fail of a movie. Was Fassbender good? Sure. I guess. He pulled the turtleneck and high-waisted jeans off perfectly well.

Eddie Redmayne for Danish Girl:  First-runner up. He could pull the upset that makes me go into mourning. He was fantastic but he won last year. So just give it to Leo.

Best Actress in a Leading Role:
Who Should Win:  Brie Larson
Who Will Win:  Brie Larsson

Cate Blanchett for Carol: Cate is becoming the new Meryl and is always nominated. I didn’t see this movie and I probably won’t. I’m kind of over the forbidden love mainstream lesbian movies. Been there. Done that. I don’t need to see a movie with no words and staring. I don’t do well with staring and no words. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Brie Larson for Room:  Ding. Ding. The winner. This was one of the top 5 books I ever read and the movie was equally fantastic as was she. What a lucky girl getting to hold that Oscar and take a bunch of photos next to Leo. Good for her!

Jennifer Lawrence for Joy: Oy. I love Jennifer but enough. She is 25 with three nominations and one win already. Leave it alone for a minute. The movie was a BORE. She was great. I mean I can see why she was nominated but still. 25. Let’s leave some room for some other women.

Charlotte Rampling for 45 years:  This is literally the first time I ever heard of this movie as I am typing this. She has never been nominated so she is the official token older nominee in the category. Sorry Char, not going to happen.

Saoirse Ronan for Brooklyn:  I think this her second nomination as well for someone in her 20s the first being Atonement. I didn’t see this movie. I will rent it when it comes out. She won’t win. However, Julianne Moore who will announce the winner has spent countless hours memorizing how to say her name. That I would put money down on.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Who Should Win: I have absolutely no idea whatsoever
Who Will Win: Sylvester Stallone (yeah you read that right)

Christian Bale for The Big Short:  He was good. Won’t win.

Tom Hardy for Revenant:  He was really great. First-runner up

Mark Ruffalo for Spotlight:  Jesus. Enough of him already. I like him enough but he just keeps getting these nominations and I don’t understand it. Last year for Foxcatcher and now this year. He was good in this and it will win best picture but come on!

Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies:  People are saying it will be him. I didn’t see this movie yet and I have no idea what he even looks like. So all I can say is maybe an upset?

Sly for Creed:  He is going to win. I didn’t see it but it does look good. Actually, I’ve never seen a single Rocky movie in my life. Nope. I know, crazy right! So he will win. He will get a standing ovation and he will mumble his way through an acceptance speech.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:
Who Should Win: Alicia Vikander
Who Will Win: Alicia Vikander
Jennifer Jason-Leigh for The Hateful Eight:  Didn’t see it. Don’t want to see it. Won’t win. But I am pretty sure she will have a big annoyed pout on her face the entire time and not laugh at a single Chris Rock joke.

Rooney Mara for Carol:  She just annoys me. Speaking of annoyed pouts. She will have one. And lots and lots of white powder on her face. And a horrible dress.

Rachel McAdams for Spotlight:  Love her. Always have. Great job in the movie. Won’t win.

Alicia Vikander for The Danish Girl:  Needs to win. Has to win. Why she wasn’t nominated for Best Actress I have no idea except I am happy about that because she then she would lose. She was amazing in this movie. She has come onto the American movie scene and won’t be leaving anytime soon. Powerful stuff in this one. Plus she is dating Fassbender so she can console him by throwing her Oscar in his face.

Kate Winslet for Steve Jobs: As much as I love her and she is one of my favorite actresses I just don’t see this as best Oscar material. She has been in much better movies. As much as I want to see her and Leo standing together with their Oscars, probably not going to happen.

Other awards:
Costume Design: Cinderalla.
Animated:Inside-Out
Cinematography: The Revenant
Documentary: The Last Day of Freedom (I have no idea, I’ve seen none of these).
Foreign Language: Son of Saul, Hungary

Mad Max: Yeah, that could win a bunch of stuff. Maybe visual effects or makeup? Haven’t seen it. And…probably won’t.

Alright. That’s all I got folks. ABC, Sunday Feb 28 at 7PM…hours of red carpet before that. Giuliana Rancic anorexia starting about 5 on E!

 

Shot to my heart (or my head)

I love the screenshot option on my mac. It is pretty much how I communicate everything. If you want to see a photo, I screenshot it. If there is a change on something on a work project, I screenshot the change. Someecards. Screenshots. Daily. Who doesn’t want a daily someecard texted to them? They are all relevant. You can even create your own now if you are creative and funny enough (you are not creative and funny enough so stick to the ones on there please).

When I first started my job here and I had a mac I spent two nights crying at home because I couldn’t figure out how to use it after using a PC for 15 years. I mean I learned all my graphic stuff on a mac but after years in non-profit where I had to beg for a new version of InDesign or PhotoShop (or Quark when I first started) I was lost. I just couldn’t figure out how to save or print or anything for the first couple of days and I didn’t want to ask anyone for help because I was supposed to know this stuff. All the cool chicks who went to Syracuse and pretend they are real graphic designers know that stuff. Those are the thoughts that were going through my head. I figured it out after a few days and now I’ll never go back to a PC.

Anyway, screenshots. I love them. As I was driving to work today I was thinking that I wish I could screenshot my dreams. It would be so cool to be able to text someone what you were dreaming about in the morning so they could have a vivid picture of what’s going on in my head. The past two nights, I’ve had dreams that my buds at work hate me and that I couldn’t do anything right. I have no idea where that comes from. No idea whatsoever. Read between those lines.  My dreams are like full length movies with new plots and characters nightly and I would love to be able to share them. In the meantime, I’ll just create something like this:

screen

 

 

Wrong.

This morning I had an Oprah “ah-ha” moment. I have never been someone who handles it well when you tell me I am wrong about something. Not the “admit you are wrong” type of thing. More like the “you spelled that wrong” or “that’s not how you do it” type of thing. And the one person who has always told me I am wrong about pretty much everything in my life, although he doesn’t really know a lot about my life and by a lot I mean 10% of my life is my dad. Any time he gets a chance to tell me I am wrong, he does. Maybe it is because he is smarter than me, which I know he is. I don’t know.
Below is an abbreviated email conversation with him this past week.
Dad:
Hi Laura,…..(words, words, words)..
By the way, I finally figured out what your use of “tom” is.  It’s “tome” when spelt correctly!
….(words,words, words)
Love, Dad
Laura:
It’s actually short for tomorrow.
Dad:
OK – tomorrow.  Us old folks don’t know these things –  abbreviations for texting.  I can type fast enough that I really don’t need them.
Love, Dad
Laura:
Is that why you spelled it spelt?
Dad:
Hi Laura,
Humm – not really sure what you mean here but “spelt” is actually a word; the past participle of the word spell.  I’m not really confident I used it correctly, though – replacing what I thought was a spelling error with perhaps a more serious grammatical error!  But then maybe not – grammer questions like this were never my strong suit – nor was spelling – but now spelling isn’t as important as it once was because computers correct it anyway.
Love,

Dad
Laura:

True because you “spelt”grammar wrong too

Giving In

I am almost 40 and for the remainder of my 39th year, you will hear me say a lot “I am 40. I don’t need to listen to that anymore.” Or “I am 40. I don’t need to take your crap anymore.” Basically I am pretending I am 40 for the year so when it does happen it won’t seem so bad.

What I do know and I often say it is I spent all of 20s and basically all of my 30s tiptoeing around people. Trying to make people like me, love me, or not hate me. I worried what everyone thought of me and always wanted constant validation (see yesterday’s post). But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Why do I have to take everyone else’s crap on as my own. I don’t. And I won’t.

It is not okay to have bad behavior and get rewarded for regardless of the reason. It is not okay to tip toe around people because you are afraid they are going to go off the rails at any moment. People had to do that with me for so long and I can’t imagine how hard that must have been to constantly worry that if they say the wrong thing I wouldn’t talk to them, or I would knock them down. The more you do that to people, the more they will let you.

If you have issues. Go to therapy. Get on meds. But don’t expect me to prance around you acting like you are made of glass and can be broken at any time. If you want me to do that, pay me to do that. Then I’ll consider it.