There should be some sort of rule that when you reach the age of 39 and you don’t have children, you are allowed to claim your dog on your tax return. The amount of money I have spent on Fred in the past few years is nothing short of alarming. Thousands. I mean THOUSANDS! It isn’t fair that people with children get to claim their little ones when I spend just as much, if not more, on Fred’s healthcare, daycare and diet.

Enough of this discrimination! I’ve waited long enough!


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