Such a Racket

I have been threatening to get a breast reduction for years. Mostly myself. I threaten myself. And my boobs. They feel threatened a lot by this. I told myself I would get this present for my 40th birthday. However, I did decide that I would hold off for now so instead I put my love and energy into a different kind of rack. A roof rack. And a car for that roof rack.

I decided it was time to get a new car. And I decided that car had to be a 4Runner. I wanted to be cool. I wanted a cool car. That was it. That was the car I was going to get. Nobody was going to tell me otherwise. I was going to get it. I was going to put a rails on top and I was going to look cool.

Last Sunday I went with my parents to go look for the car or I guess I should say truck. I test drove it and really liked it but my gut was telling me it wasn’t the right car for me. And it was upsetting. I knew in my gut that I should look at the Highlander just because it was bigger and roomier and was more practical and had more features. But I looked at that car and just thought “mom car”. And in my head I just kept saying “mom car mom car mom car mom car mom car and I’m not a mom. Yet.”.
I started to get teary eyed at the dealership because here I am having no clear picture of the future and seeing this version of myself in a truck with a dog and a car rack for my non existing kayak. And the other picture I saw was me with a dog and my non existing kayak driving a mom car with no kid. And neither felt particularly good.
I gave it a shot and went to look at the Highlander and I got in and tears started and I said “dammit this is a really nice car….”…..and at that moment I decided it was that car I needed to get.
So now I have a Highlander, which I am calling my “non mom mom car” because really it can go either way. I can throw a kid in there or not. I can throw a dog in there or not. But what I can do, is throw a kayak on the top because I got the rails on top. Will I? No of course not. But I can. So yes for my birthday I did get a new rack. A beautiful new rack. And a car to go with it.

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